Saturday, February 17, 2007

Are you better off single?

Attention, unmarried people of America : You can splurge on a
fancy new wristwatch without having to explain yourself. You can stay out
till 3 a.m. without having to phone home. You can leave the toilet seat up.
In fact, there are many, many ways that single life rocks, though you may
forget that fact when your relatives are grilling you about settling down.

Not only do you have the freedom to do anything you want—it’s also the best
time in history to be flying solo. The marriage rate has declined nearly 50
percent since 1970, according to the National Marriage Project at Rutgers
University , and right now, there are approximately 100 million singles in
the U.S. And there’s strength in those numbers: “Today’s choose-to-be
singles differ from the poor-me singles of past generations; there’s less
of a stigma attached to being single, ” says Jerusha Stewart, author of The
Single Girl’s Manifesta. “Singles are traveling, buying homes and doing
everything they want to—you don’t have to get married anymore to live your
life with style.”

Want more specifics on why you should celebrate being single? Here, 10
fascinating benefits to being unmarried:

Reason #1: You have a better body.
We’ve all been there—you get into a relationship, and suddenly you’re
trying out new recipes all the time and cuddling instead of exercising.
Well, things tend to get worse with marriage. A recent Cornell University
study found that women generally gain five to eight pounds in the first few
years of marriage and unhappily married women gain an average of 54 pounds
in the first 10 years.

For the unmarried, though, the motivation to stay slim remains: “Singles
look at themselves through the eyes of others and want to be attractive to
potential partners,” says Susan Davis, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in
New York City , “so they’re still ‘working on themselves.’” In short, being
single is way better than any New Year’s resolution or exercise DVD to
motivate you to stay in shape.

Reason #2: You’re more likely to achieve great things.
It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you have the time, the quiet and
the lack of familial responsibilities. In fact, your premarital motivation
to excel in life may be biologically programmed. According to a study
conducted at the London School of Economics and Political Scientists, male
scientists who stay single longer peak in their careers later in life and
tend to be more productive than their married counterparts. Researchers
theorize that men, in general, may show off their talents to win the
interest of women and then, once they’ve won a wife, get comfortable and do
less. In fact, studies have shown that testosterone levels, which boost
action, decrease after a man gets married and has children. So single folk
should know they are primed to achieve — whether that means turbo-charging
their careers or honing their rock-climbing skills — and get out there and
work it!

Reason #3: You do less housework.
You know that saying about a tree falling in a forest and there’s no one
there to hear it? Well, if you leave a sock on the floor but there’s no one
else there to see it, does it really need to be picked up? If you’re a
single woman, you can contemplate deep questions like this one because you
have more free time. According to one study published in the Journal of
Marriage and Family, women do less housework when single than when married.
Men, on the other hand, do more housework when unmarried (that’s probably
because there’s someone picking up after them once they’re wed…). So the
message here is for unmarried women to enjoy their less chore-filled life;
fill those free hours with classes, good books, blabbing with
friends—whatever makes you happy.

Reason #4: You can do what you want with your money—including keep it.
Go ahead: Splurge on that pricey moisturizer or that obscenely large plasma
TV you’ve been lusting after. You don’t have to justify your purchase to
anyone but yourself. Once you mix money with marriage, though, things
change—and fast. According to a survey by SmartMoney magazine, 40 percent
of women and 36 percent of men have lied to their spouses about a purchase.
“When you’re single, your finances are your own,” explains Phyllis Chase, a
Los Angeles–based psychologist and co-host of the radio show Shrink Rap.
“When you’re married, you have to deal with different styles of spending
and saving, and you may take on your partner’s debt.” And a marriage that
doesn’t make it for the long haul can also have a major negative effect on
one’s wealth. According to researchers at Ohio State University ’s Center
for Human Resource Research, during a divorce, men and women generally lose
three-fourths of their personal net worth. Double ouch.

Reason #5: You have better sex.
Married couples may have more sex (approximately 98 times a year vs.
singles’ 49), but singles have better sex. According to a recent study
published in the British Medical Journal, married women are significantly
more likely to report problems with their sex lives than single women.
“People who are dating have better sex because it’s novel,” says Davis .
“Married people have to relearn how to play. It’s natural for singles
because that’s the nature of a courting relationship— they tease, they
experiment, they explore.” Nature lends a helping hand, too. According to
researchers at the University of Pisa in Italy , raging testosterone levels
in both men and women makes the sex hotter during the first two years of a
relationship. After that, other hormones take over—most notably, oxytocin,
a bonding chemical, kicks in. While getting connected and comfortable is a
positive step in a relationship, long-term lovers have to work harder to
keep things hot in the bedroom. Singles, however, sizzle just the way they
are.

Reason #6: You’re better rested and smarter.
While snuggling up next to a warm body can be pretty fantastic, according
to a survey conducted by the National Sleep Foundation, your bedmate can
cause you to lose an average of 49 minutes of sleep per night. Sleeping
two-to-a-bed just isn’t as restful as snoozing solo. Other studies confirm
that singles generally get more rest — seven to eight hours of sleep a
night — than marrieds, which enhances memory, mood and concentration, as
well as allows your immune system to recharge. And, according to scientists
at the University of Luebeck in Germany , creativity and problem-solving
may directly correlate with getting enough sleep. In the study,
participants were given a math puzzle; those who’d had eight hours of sleep
or more before tackling it were three times more likely to get the right
answer than those who slept less. So, singles, revel in the fact that
you’re alert, rested and have that extra brain-power edge.

Reason #7: You’re less depressed.
Although the media often perpetuates the image of single people being down
in the dumps, overall unmarried people tend to be happier than their
married counterparts— if you’re a woman, that is. One report by the World
Health Organization indicated that married women, especially ones with
children, have a higher risk for depression than single women, and
researchers at the University of London found that single women generally
have fewer mental-health issues. “Marriage, in many ways, seems to benefit
men more than women,” says Davis . “For women, there’s more of a loss of
self.” And, of course, today’s women often feel like they need to do it
all—have a career, take care of the kids and perform other traditionally
“female” responsibilities. “People who aren’t married are still investing
in themselves,” says Davis . “It’s not selfish—it’s giving to yourself, and
that’s something married people can learn from single people.”

Reason #8: You have better friendships.
Significant others are a wonderful thing, no doubt, but friends count, too.
And on that front, one study found that, when women get married and have
children, they spend much less time with their friends—less than five hours
a week, down from 14 hours. Singles, however, often have the greatest sense
of friendship and community—which can actually decrease stress levels,
according to researchers at UCLA.

Here's another way to look at this: “Singles don’t rely on just one person
to meet their needs. You don’t automatically know who you’re going to spend
Friday night with,” says Sasha Cagen, author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto
for Uncompromising Romantics. “The plus side is that you have a lot of
different people in your life and potentially a greater sense of social
possibilities.”

Reason #9: Your travel tales are enviable.
Marrieds take the most vacations, dominating the market with 62 percent of
all trips taken, but singles arguably go on more interesting trips.
According to the Travel Industry Association of America, singles corner the
adventure-travel market, engaging in activities like whitewater rafting,
scuba diving and mountain biking. Being single and relatively footloose
certainly allows you to expand your geographical — and personal — borders.
“I have lived abroad, backpacked for close to a year, have been in love
three times and much more,” says Courtney Davis, 27, a media-relations
manager in Boston . “With every place and every person, my world has
expanded.”

Reason #10: You know yourself—and what you want out of a relationship.
You’re a better catch now than you were at 20. You may have signs of, ahem,
experience etched on your face, but that’s OK because you’re more
interesting and more self-aware. Not only have you grown as a person, but
you’ve probably been through the ringer a few times in matters of love and
now know what you want—and what you don’t. Experts say that bodes well for
future marital success and may actually decrease the likelihood of divorce.
“When people get married young, they often feel like the other person will
complete them, and they have trouble moving past that Hollywood myth,”
explains Chase. “But maturity brings so much, because if you’re able to
communicate who you are and what you want, the better your chances of
having a successful marriage.” And that’s a wonderful message: Your single
self is great... and should you find the right person and decide to marry,
you’re more likely to thrive in that stage of your life, too.

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