PIOLO:
Paano ang buhay kong ito
Ngayon tayo ay magkalayo
Hindi pa ba sapat ang aking pag-ibig
‘Di ba’t nag-sumpaan tayo
REGINE:
Sino? Ano? Ang hinahanap mo?
Bakit nagkukubli’t nagtatago?
Ang tunay mong hangarin
Ba’t ‘di sabihin sa ‘kin
Mahirap ba akong mahalin?
PIOLO:
Paano kita iibigin
REGINE:
Kung ‘di mo ibibigay ang puso mo sa akin
PIOLO:
Ano ang pumipigil sa damdamin at sa puso mo
REGINE:
Maghihintay ako sabihin mong mahal mo na ako
COUNTERPOINT:
PIOLO: Paano kita iibigin
REGINE: Paano ang buhay kong ito
PIOLO: Kung ‘di mo ibibigay ang puso mo sa akin
REGINE: Ngayon tayo ay magkalayo
PIOLO: Ano ang pumipigil sa damdamin at sa puso mo
REGINE: Hindi pa ba sapat ang aking pag-ibig
PIOLO: Maghihintay ako na sabihin mong mahal mo na ako
REGINE: ‘Di ba’t nag-sumpaan tayo
REGINE:
‘Di ko matitiis ang malayo ka
PIOLO:
Kung kailan ako nagmahal mawawala pa
REGINE:
Mawawala ka
COUNTERPOINT:
PIOLO: Paano kita iibigin
REGINE: Paano ang buhay kong ito
PIOLO: Kung ‘di mo ibibigay ang puso mo sa akin
REGINE: Ngayon tayo ay magkalayo
PIOLO: Ano ang pumipigil sa damdamin at sa puso mo
REGINE: Hindi pa ba sapat ang aking pag-ibig
PIOLO: Maghihintay ako na sabihin mong mahal mo na ako
REGINE: ‘Di ba’t nag-sumpaan tayo
BOTH:
Paano kita iibigin
Kung ‘di mo ibibigay ang puso mo sa akin
Ano ang pumipigil sa damdamin at sa puso mo
PIOLO: Maghihintay ako
(REGINE: Maghihintay ako)
PIOLO: Na sabihin mong
(REGINE: Na sabihin mong)
BOTH:
Mahal mo rin ako
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Top 10 Myths & Misconceptions About Spain
1)
Misconception #1: Paella is a Seafood Dish
Paella is a rice dish. It can have seafood in it, just as pizza can, but (also as with pizza) you can put any 'topping' on it you like. The Margarita of paella is paella Valenciana, which was invented in the fields of Valencia, a place where prawns and squid are a bit of a rarity! Paella Valenciana is made up of chicken, pork and rabbit, though in older (poorer) times, snails were often included.
2)
Misconception #2: Bullfighting is Spain's National Sport
Wrong on two counts – for a start, it's not a sport (the fight isn't even enough for that), and it's not truly national. It is true that you will encounter bullrings throughout Spain, but these were largely built during the reign of Franco (the dictator that ruled Spain from 1939 until 1975), a ruler who had a particular image of Spain that he wanted to promote. Spain's real national sport is futbol (or soccer).
3)
Misconception #3: The Drink of Choice in Spanish bars is Sangria
Sangria is a party drink, like a tropical punch at one of our cocktail parties. It exists for one purpose – to get everyone drunk cheaply. That isn't to say that it can't be made with a bit of loving care and attention, but there is no 'traditional' recipe. 95% of people drinking sangria in bars are tourists and the bar owners know it and will charge you accordingly.
4) Misconception #4: Flamenco is a Popular Dance in Spain
Flamenco often contains dancing, but it isn't predominantly a dance. Flamenco contains four main elements: the guitar, the vocals, the dancing and las palmas (hand claps). In fact, of the four disciplines, the dancing is the part that is the most easily dropped.
Flamenco is also specifically an Andalusian art, though through internal migration flamenco has quite a history in Madrid and even Barcelona. You're unlikely to find much flamenco in other parts of Spain.
5)
Misconception #5: Bring Sunscreen, not an Umbrella, no Matter When You Visit
A friend of mine brought sunscreen when he came to visit me in central Spain in October. He ended up buying an umbrella. Spain is not the tropical paradise that many think it is (though global warming is pushing it in that direction). During autumn and winter, Galicia can expect rain every other day, while Madrid and the cities to its west and north can get exceptionally cold in the winter.
6)
Misconception #6: Speaking Spanish Will Always be Appreciated
This is largely true, but in the Basque country, Galicia and Catalonia, the local language isn't even Spanish and while you'd be unlucky to meet someone who didn't appreciate your attempts at speaking Spanish, such people are certainly not uncommon (especially in Catalonia). The occasional Basque or Catalan word in the appropriate regions will get you more smiles than a perfectly constructed sentence of 'Castillian' Spanish.
7)
Misconception #7: Spanish Food is Hot & Spicy, like Mexican
Like in the story of the princess and the pea, put a drop of tabasco in a pot of stew for twenty people and a Spaniard will wave his hand in front of his mouth as if trying to cool the fieriest Mexican chili con carne. Well, that's a slight exaggeration, but not by much – many in Spain genuinely think that a sprinkling of paprika on food qualifies it as 'picante' (spicy). I am amazed when I occasionally encounter genuinely spicy food in Spain and I wonder who (other than the tourists) are actually eating it!
Misconception #8: Tapas are a Specific Type of Food
Tapas are a way of eating food, not a type of food. Anything can be tapas. Paella, cous cous, shrimps, brochette, even hamburgers. A tapa is a small dish, usually taken with a drink (sometimes it comes free, sometimes you pay for it). You can stick to one bar and order a series of tapas to go with your drinks, but it's far more proper (and fun) to bar hop ( or tapear in Spanish) and sample the culinary delights of a number of different bars.
9)
Misconception #9: Tipping is Common in Spain
No, no, no and NO! Probably the myth most perpetuated by guide books and Web sites about Spain. Tipping is not common in Spain. The Spanish might leave change from a 50€ bill if the meal has been good, but they don't ever dig into their pockets to give the waitress a few coins.
10)
Misconception #10: Traveling by Train is Quicker Than the Bus
Trains are always considered to be quicker and easier to take than a bus. But this is not necessarily the case in Spain. While 80% of trains will be quicker than the bus, often the opposite is the case. Also, buses are more frequent, quicker to book (the line at a train station can be horrendous) and less likely to be sold out.
Misconception #1: Paella is a Seafood Dish
Paella is a rice dish. It can have seafood in it, just as pizza can, but (also as with pizza) you can put any 'topping' on it you like. The Margarita of paella is paella Valenciana, which was invented in the fields of Valencia, a place where prawns and squid are a bit of a rarity! Paella Valenciana is made up of chicken, pork and rabbit, though in older (poorer) times, snails were often included.
2)
Misconception #2: Bullfighting is Spain's National Sport
Wrong on two counts – for a start, it's not a sport (the fight isn't even enough for that), and it's not truly national. It is true that you will encounter bullrings throughout Spain, but these were largely built during the reign of Franco (the dictator that ruled Spain from 1939 until 1975), a ruler who had a particular image of Spain that he wanted to promote. Spain's real national sport is futbol (or soccer).
3)
Misconception #3: The Drink of Choice in Spanish bars is Sangria
Sangria is a party drink, like a tropical punch at one of our cocktail parties. It exists for one purpose – to get everyone drunk cheaply. That isn't to say that it can't be made with a bit of loving care and attention, but there is no 'traditional' recipe. 95% of people drinking sangria in bars are tourists and the bar owners know it and will charge you accordingly.
4) Misconception #4: Flamenco is a Popular Dance in Spain
Flamenco often contains dancing, but it isn't predominantly a dance. Flamenco contains four main elements: the guitar, the vocals, the dancing and las palmas (hand claps). In fact, of the four disciplines, the dancing is the part that is the most easily dropped.
Flamenco is also specifically an Andalusian art, though through internal migration flamenco has quite a history in Madrid and even Barcelona. You're unlikely to find much flamenco in other parts of Spain.
5)
Misconception #5: Bring Sunscreen, not an Umbrella, no Matter When You Visit
A friend of mine brought sunscreen when he came to visit me in central Spain in October. He ended up buying an umbrella. Spain is not the tropical paradise that many think it is (though global warming is pushing it in that direction). During autumn and winter, Galicia can expect rain every other day, while Madrid and the cities to its west and north can get exceptionally cold in the winter.
6)
Misconception #6: Speaking Spanish Will Always be Appreciated
This is largely true, but in the Basque country, Galicia and Catalonia, the local language isn't even Spanish and while you'd be unlucky to meet someone who didn't appreciate your attempts at speaking Spanish, such people are certainly not uncommon (especially in Catalonia). The occasional Basque or Catalan word in the appropriate regions will get you more smiles than a perfectly constructed sentence of 'Castillian' Spanish.
7)
Misconception #7: Spanish Food is Hot & Spicy, like Mexican
Like in the story of the princess and the pea, put a drop of tabasco in a pot of stew for twenty people and a Spaniard will wave his hand in front of his mouth as if trying to cool the fieriest Mexican chili con carne. Well, that's a slight exaggeration, but not by much – many in Spain genuinely think that a sprinkling of paprika on food qualifies it as 'picante' (spicy). I am amazed when I occasionally encounter genuinely spicy food in Spain and I wonder who (other than the tourists) are actually eating it!
Misconception #8: Tapas are a Specific Type of Food
Tapas are a way of eating food, not a type of food. Anything can be tapas. Paella, cous cous, shrimps, brochette, even hamburgers. A tapa is a small dish, usually taken with a drink (sometimes it comes free, sometimes you pay for it). You can stick to one bar and order a series of tapas to go with your drinks, but it's far more proper (and fun) to bar hop ( or tapear in Spanish) and sample the culinary delights of a number of different bars.
9)
Misconception #9: Tipping is Common in Spain
No, no, no and NO! Probably the myth most perpetuated by guide books and Web sites about Spain. Tipping is not common in Spain. The Spanish might leave change from a 50€ bill if the meal has been good, but they don't ever dig into their pockets to give the waitress a few coins.
10)
Misconception #10: Traveling by Train is Quicker Than the Bus
Trains are always considered to be quicker and easier to take than a bus. But this is not necessarily the case in Spain. While 80% of trains will be quicker than the bus, often the opposite is the case. Also, buses are more frequent, quicker to book (the line at a train station can be horrendous) and less likely to be sold out.
If You Give Mom A Muffin
If you give Mom a muffin,
She'll want a strong cup of coffee to go with it.
She'll make herself some.
Her three year old will spill the coffee.
She'll wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she'll find dirty socks.
She'll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer, she'll trip over boots and
bump into the box of Goodwill items.
Bumping into the Goodwill items will remind her she has to get these
boxes in the car and out of her basement.
When she puts the boxes in the car, she'll find a bag of groceries and
this will remind her she has to cook dinner.
She will get out the chicken defrosting in the fridge.
She'll look for her cookbook (101 Things To Do With Chicken).
The cookbook will be sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the Netflix movie she's meant to mail and the preschool
bill, which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The checkbook will be in her purse that is being dumped out by her one
year old.
She'll smell something funny.
She'll change the baby's diaper.
As she finishes up, she'll realize she brought the hand sanitizer down
to the kitchen.
While she is throwing away the diaper and searching for the hand
sanitizer, the phone will ring.
Her three year old will answer and hang up.
She'll remember she wants to phone a friend not for coffee but a very
strong drink.
Thinking of drinking will remind her that she was going to have a cup
of coffee in order to stay awake for the rest of the day.
And chances are...
If she finds her cup of coffee (which she has to reheat by now),
Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.
__._,_.___
She'll want a strong cup of coffee to go with it.
She'll make herself some.
Her three year old will spill the coffee.
She'll wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she'll find dirty socks.
She'll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer, she'll trip over boots and
bump into the box of Goodwill items.
Bumping into the Goodwill items will remind her she has to get these
boxes in the car and out of her basement.
When she puts the boxes in the car, she'll find a bag of groceries and
this will remind her she has to cook dinner.
She will get out the chicken defrosting in the fridge.
She'll look for her cookbook (101 Things To Do With Chicken).
The cookbook will be sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the Netflix movie she's meant to mail and the preschool
bill, which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The checkbook will be in her purse that is being dumped out by her one
year old.
She'll smell something funny.
She'll change the baby's diaper.
As she finishes up, she'll realize she brought the hand sanitizer down
to the kitchen.
While she is throwing away the diaper and searching for the hand
sanitizer, the phone will ring.
Her three year old will answer and hang up.
She'll remember she wants to phone a friend not for coffee but a very
strong drink.
Thinking of drinking will remind her that she was going to have a cup
of coffee in order to stay awake for the rest of the day.
And chances are...
If she finds her cup of coffee (which she has to reheat by now),
Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.
__._,_.___
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Forgiveness Will Complete The Process
"Do visit Bryce Canyon," a man advised. "But do it later, after you've driven through the other parts of Utah. It's like the icing on the cake." So it is with forgiveness. It's the icing on the cake.
Forgiveness is a simple word, but a difficult, complicated process. Forgiveness is also essential if we want to find happiness and joy.
To forgive too soon, before we've felt all we needed to feel along the way, is incomplete. Forgiveness based on denial won't work. And not to forgive, after we've felt our emotions---our anger, rage, pain and betrayal---will harden our hearts and keep us closed. We'll have loose ends to tie up, an unfinished connection to our past. We'll have unfinished business with others, even though we may not see them, speak to them, or consciously think about them any longer. We won't be free, and neither will they.
Sometimes we need to seek forgiveness because we've tried everything else and nothing works to bring us back to peace. Sometimes forgiveness finds us, unexpectedly transforming our hearts, softening us, opening us, and renewing our hearts and our relationships.
Sometimes forgiveness surprises us because it's
the last thing we thought we would need to feel
whole again. Forgiveness is often the completion
of the process. It's the icing on the cake.
~~~~~Melody Beattie
Forgiveness is a simple word, but a difficult, complicated process. Forgiveness is also essential if we want to find happiness and joy.
To forgive too soon, before we've felt all we needed to feel along the way, is incomplete. Forgiveness based on denial won't work. And not to forgive, after we've felt our emotions---our anger, rage, pain and betrayal---will harden our hearts and keep us closed. We'll have loose ends to tie up, an unfinished connection to our past. We'll have unfinished business with others, even though we may not see them, speak to them, or consciously think about them any longer. We won't be free, and neither will they.
Sometimes we need to seek forgiveness because we've tried everything else and nothing works to bring us back to peace. Sometimes forgiveness finds us, unexpectedly transforming our hearts, softening us, opening us, and renewing our hearts and our relationships.
Sometimes forgiveness surprises us because it's
the last thing we thought we would need to feel
whole again. Forgiveness is often the completion
of the process. It's the icing on the cake.
~~~~~Melody Beattie
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Philippines is...
50. Where the most happening places are where the gang wars happen, where
women strip and where the people overthrow a president.
49. Where doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.
48. Where everyone has his own personal ghost story and superstition
47. Where mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.
46. Where everything can be forged., even the presidency.
45. Where the mall is considered the second home.
44. Where people readily buy Starbucks coffee but complains of expensive
gas price.
43. Where every street has a basketball court and every town has only one
public school.
42. Where all kinds of animals are edible.
41. Where it is fast becoming unfashionable to speak English/Spanish.
40. Where students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.
39. Where call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses,
where doctors study to become nurses for employment abroad.
38. Where driving 4 kms can take as much as 4 hours.
37. Where flyovers brings you from the freeway to the side streets.
36. Where tourist spots are where Filipinos do not (or cannot) go.
35. Where the personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster.
34. Where military generals decides who is president.
33. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!
32. Where 4 a.m. is not yet considered bedtime.
31. Where the government urge the people to pay and defy the law.
30. Where everything and everyone is spoofed.
29. Where even the poverty-stricken gets to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy
Hilfiger (fake)!
28. Where democracy applies only to the government and their ass-kissers.
27. Where being a bum is a way of life.
26. Where during rainy seasons streets become rivers.
25. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them and the
government alive.
24. Where sidewalks and crossing the streets involves running for your
dear life.
23. Where everyone is ashame to wear the national colors.
22. Where billiards is a sport, and darts is a bar game.
21. Where even the poverty-stricken has the latest cell phones.
20. Where insurance is a lucrative industry because it does not work.
19. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty - clean water is
for sale (35 pesos per gallon).
18. Where the church governs the people and where the government makes
the people pray for miracles. (Amen to that!)
17. Where University of the Philippines is where all the weird people go.
Ateneo is where all those who have influence go. La Salle is where all
the rich go. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid rich go,
and University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich
people go to say they go to college.
16. Where fast food is a diet meal.
15. Where traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.
14. Where cops hide behind misleading traffic signs to earn his living.
13. Where being held up happens to everyone everywhere even in broad
daylight with lots of people.
12. Where kids dream of becoming actors, singers, basketball players, or
politicians.
11. Where rodents are normal house occupants.
10. Where the definition of traffic is the "non-movement" of vehicles.
9. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military
engagements, and the new fighter planes are displayed in museums.
8. where the population knows showbiz stars and gossips better than their
national heroes, past presidents, national history and current events.
7. Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery is
a way out of poverty.
6. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news
provides the drama.
5. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the
entertainment.
4. Where olympics are not for the athletes but out of town vacation for
the government.
3. Where people can steal trillions of pesos, kill and still run for a
government office.
2. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual.
1. Where the squatters have more to complain (even if
they do not pay their tax)
---- than those employed and have their tax automatically
deducted from their salaries.
and finally......
0. Where non- government people wants to leave the country!
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Handling Fear of Rejection
What is fear of rejection?
Fear of rejection is the:
Irrational fear that others will not accept me for who I am, what I believe, and how I act.
Pervasive motivator for caution in my behavior and interactions with others.
State of mind that makes me incapable of doing or saying anything for fear of others' rejection, lack of acceptance, or disapproval.
State of being of individuals who are over-dependent on the approval, recognition, or affirmation of others in order to feel good about themselves. In order to sustain personal feelings of adequacy these individuals are constantly concerned with the reactions of others to them.
Self-censoring attitude that inhibits creativity, productivity, and imagination in one's approach.
Driving force behind many people that keeps them from being authentic human beings. They are so driven by the need for acceptance of others that they lose their own identity in the process. They mimic the ways in which others act, dress, talk, think, believe, and function. They become the three-dimensional clones of the ``role models'' they so desperately need to emulate in order to gain acceptance.
Underlying process in the power of ``peer pressure'' that grabs hold and makes people act in stereotypic, ``pop'' culture, counter culture, punk, new wave, preppie, yuppie, and other styles. They crave recognition and acceptance from the reference group with whom they want to be identified.
Energy-robbing attitude that leads to self immobilization, self-defeating, and self-destructive behavior. This attitude encourages ongoing irrational thinking and behavior, resulting in personal stagnation, regression, and depression.
Driving force of some people for all actions in their lives. It plays a part in their choices concerning their education, career direction, work behavior, achievement level, interpersonal and marital relationships, family and community life, and the ways in which they spend leisure time.
Act of giving to others more power than I give to myself over how I feel about myself. What the others say or feel about me is the determinant of how I feel about myself. I am completely at the mercy of others for how happy or sad I will be. My self-satisfaction and belief in myself is in their hands. Fear of rejection is the abdication of power and control over my own life.
What common behavior patterns exist for people who operate out of a fear of rejection?
People who operate out of a fear of rejection:
Display little or no assertiveness.
Do not speak up and let others know how they feel about something, especially if their opinions differ.
Function as enablers. They have neither the courage nor the ability to assist others in discontinuing self-destructive behavior, e.g., alcohol or drug abuse, underachievement or workaholism.
Lack the courage to function differently from others, even when they don't enjoy the behavior in which they are involved.
Resort to passive/aggressive behavior; that is dishonest, sneaky, and allows for no open communication.
Play games with people. They will keep their personal feelings hidden. They are in tune with what is in and make every effort to emulate it in their lives.
Privately express a great deal of anger or depression over how unfortunate and unhappy their current lifeBstyle is. Yet, when helped to look at alternatives involving confrontation with others, they take a ``yes, Y but'' attitude.
Are confused as to their true identity, wearing ``masks'' to please others.
Become so obsessed with functioning, looking, and acting in a ``prescribed' ' manner that they become rigid, inflexible, and closed to alternative behavior. This is true even if they are unhappy in the lifeBstyle they hold to so rigidly.
Are dishonest with themselves, so much so that it carries over into their interactions with others and they become habitual liars.
How do others react to people who operate out of a fear of rejection?
People who care for the person who operates out of fear of rejection:
Encourage the person to be more assertive.
Plead with the person to change their style of life and to become true to themselves.
Recognize the lies and find it hard to trust the integrity and honesty of the person.
Become turned off to the person's behavior, which they know to be unreal.
Become frustrated when their offers of help to the person continuously go ignored.
Find themselves asking the person how they are feeling in fear that they will tell them.
Become nervous around the person, afraid that their discomfort with the person's unfortunate choice of life style will be misread as rejection or disapproval.
Find it difficult to carry on a normal conversation with the person because the problems emanating out of fear of rejection are, sadly, always evident.
Recognize that the person for whom they care is in a self-defeating, dead-end cycle.
Begin to avoid the person so much so that it looks like an out and out rejection of the person for whom they care.
Result: The person who operates out of a fear of rejection ends up pushing away the very friends, family, and helpers who care for him. The pulling away of these caring ones appears to be rejection, and the vicious cycle goes on with negative results.
Those whom the person fears being rejected by:
Take the person for granted.
Do not recognize that he is making great sacrifices to be accepted by them.
Ignore the rights of the person.
Apply pressure consciously or unconsciously for the person to continue to conform to their desires or wishes.
Play on guilt feelings and press for ``their way'' so that ``awful'' consequences can be avoided.
Are unaware that the person fears their rejection and do not take this person seriously.
Ignore the input or ideas of the person and never incorporate the person into their inner circle.
Find it humorous how the person bends over backwards to please them.
Manipulate the person to do a multitude of favors for them and are ready to dump the person once the favors become unnecessary.
Openly reject the person once they have ``used'' him and have no further use for him. Often they'll reject him once he gets up the nerve to confront them about how they really feel about him.
Result: The person who operates out of a fear of rejection ends up being rejected by the very people from whom he fears rejection.
What are some underlying causes for operating out of a fear of rejection?
People who act out of a fear of rejection may:
Lack healthy self-concepts, self-worth, or self-esteem because they were never fully affirmed in their families of origin.
Have had a traumatic experience of rejection, for example, in a divorce or separation that deeply scarred them.
Be bound up in irrational thinking and realize that this behavior is neither rational nor necessary.
Have lacked appropriate role models in life who accepted them for who they really were.
Be insecure in their personal identity, with a debilitating lack of self-confidence.
Have never been exposed to healthy ways of dealing with conflict or disagreement.
Lack the social skills to adapt to a reference group.
Have suffered from social isolation in their early lives.
Lack certain personal accomplishments, which they feel set them apart and which contribute to their lack of self-confidence.
Be unaware that they are operating out of a fear of rejection and may even deny it if it is pointed out to them.
Have a physical condition that they believe makes them unattractive to others.
Have been told all their life that they were ``second best'' or different.
Steps to overcome the fear of rejection
Step 1: Read through the material in this chapter and decide whether or not you operate out of a fear of rejection.
Step 2: Identify in your journal the person(s) from whom you fear rejection.
The people whose rejection I fear include:
Step 3:Identify in your journal how your fear of rejection is displayed in your behavior toward the people you identified in Step 2.
The behavior patterns reflecting my fear of rejection include:
Step 4: Identify in your journal healthy, productive, and rational alternative behavior patterns to those identified in Step 3.
Alternative behavior patterns to those coming from my fear of rejection include:
Step 5: Identify in your journal what the consequences would be of using the alternative behavior patterns listed in Step 4.
The consequences of using alternative behavior patterns would be:
Step 6: Identify in your journal what obstacles, other than your fear of rejection, exist in your adopting the alternative behavior listed in Step 4.
The obstacles that block my adopting the alternative behavior in Step 4 include:
Step 7: Analyze the obstacles listed in Step 6 and identify in your journal whether they are irrational beliefs or actual obstacles to change. If they are irrational beliefs use the Tools for Coping Series refutation of irrational beliefs, in Tools for Personal Growth. If the obstacles are not irrational beliefs use the five dimensional problem-solving model found in Productive Problem Solving, to find alternatives to rid yourself of these obstacles.
Step 8: Implement alternate behavior patterns not based on a fear of rejection.
Step 9: If you still have problems and are operating out of a fear of rejection, return to Step 1 and begin again. A professional or objective helper may be necessary to guide you.
Fear of rejection is the:
Irrational fear that others will not accept me for who I am, what I believe, and how I act.
Pervasive motivator for caution in my behavior and interactions with others.
State of mind that makes me incapable of doing or saying anything for fear of others' rejection, lack of acceptance, or disapproval.
State of being of individuals who are over-dependent on the approval, recognition, or affirmation of others in order to feel good about themselves. In order to sustain personal feelings of adequacy these individuals are constantly concerned with the reactions of others to them.
Self-censoring attitude that inhibits creativity, productivity, and imagination in one's approach.
Driving force behind many people that keeps them from being authentic human beings. They are so driven by the need for acceptance of others that they lose their own identity in the process. They mimic the ways in which others act, dress, talk, think, believe, and function. They become the three-dimensional clones of the ``role models'' they so desperately need to emulate in order to gain acceptance.
Underlying process in the power of ``peer pressure'' that grabs hold and makes people act in stereotypic, ``pop'' culture, counter culture, punk, new wave, preppie, yuppie, and other styles. They crave recognition and acceptance from the reference group with whom they want to be identified.
Energy-robbing attitude that leads to self immobilization, self-defeating, and self-destructive behavior. This attitude encourages ongoing irrational thinking and behavior, resulting in personal stagnation, regression, and depression.
Driving force of some people for all actions in their lives. It plays a part in their choices concerning their education, career direction, work behavior, achievement level, interpersonal and marital relationships, family and community life, and the ways in which they spend leisure time.
Act of giving to others more power than I give to myself over how I feel about myself. What the others say or feel about me is the determinant of how I feel about myself. I am completely at the mercy of others for how happy or sad I will be. My self-satisfaction and belief in myself is in their hands. Fear of rejection is the abdication of power and control over my own life.
What common behavior patterns exist for people who operate out of a fear of rejection?
People who operate out of a fear of rejection:
Display little or no assertiveness.
Do not speak up and let others know how they feel about something, especially if their opinions differ.
Function as enablers. They have neither the courage nor the ability to assist others in discontinuing self-destructive behavior, e.g., alcohol or drug abuse, underachievement or workaholism.
Lack the courage to function differently from others, even when they don't enjoy the behavior in which they are involved.
Resort to passive/aggressive behavior; that is dishonest, sneaky, and allows for no open communication.
Play games with people. They will keep their personal feelings hidden. They are in tune with what is in and make every effort to emulate it in their lives.
Privately express a great deal of anger or depression over how unfortunate and unhappy their current lifeBstyle is. Yet, when helped to look at alternatives involving confrontation with others, they take a ``yes, Y but'' attitude.
Are confused as to their true identity, wearing ``masks'' to please others.
Become so obsessed with functioning, looking, and acting in a ``prescribed' ' manner that they become rigid, inflexible, and closed to alternative behavior. This is true even if they are unhappy in the lifeBstyle they hold to so rigidly.
Are dishonest with themselves, so much so that it carries over into their interactions with others and they become habitual liars.
How do others react to people who operate out of a fear of rejection?
People who care for the person who operates out of fear of rejection:
Encourage the person to be more assertive.
Plead with the person to change their style of life and to become true to themselves.
Recognize the lies and find it hard to trust the integrity and honesty of the person.
Become turned off to the person's behavior, which they know to be unreal.
Become frustrated when their offers of help to the person continuously go ignored.
Find themselves asking the person how they are feeling in fear that they will tell them.
Become nervous around the person, afraid that their discomfort with the person's unfortunate choice of life style will be misread as rejection or disapproval.
Find it difficult to carry on a normal conversation with the person because the problems emanating out of fear of rejection are, sadly, always evident.
Recognize that the person for whom they care is in a self-defeating, dead-end cycle.
Begin to avoid the person so much so that it looks like an out and out rejection of the person for whom they care.
Result: The person who operates out of a fear of rejection ends up pushing away the very friends, family, and helpers who care for him. The pulling away of these caring ones appears to be rejection, and the vicious cycle goes on with negative results.
Those whom the person fears being rejected by:
Take the person for granted.
Do not recognize that he is making great sacrifices to be accepted by them.
Ignore the rights of the person.
Apply pressure consciously or unconsciously for the person to continue to conform to their desires or wishes.
Play on guilt feelings and press for ``their way'' so that ``awful'' consequences can be avoided.
Are unaware that the person fears their rejection and do not take this person seriously.
Ignore the input or ideas of the person and never incorporate the person into their inner circle.
Find it humorous how the person bends over backwards to please them.
Manipulate the person to do a multitude of favors for them and are ready to dump the person once the favors become unnecessary.
Openly reject the person once they have ``used'' him and have no further use for him. Often they'll reject him once he gets up the nerve to confront them about how they really feel about him.
Result: The person who operates out of a fear of rejection ends up being rejected by the very people from whom he fears rejection.
What are some underlying causes for operating out of a fear of rejection?
People who act out of a fear of rejection may:
Lack healthy self-concepts, self-worth, or self-esteem because they were never fully affirmed in their families of origin.
Have had a traumatic experience of rejection, for example, in a divorce or separation that deeply scarred them.
Be bound up in irrational thinking and realize that this behavior is neither rational nor necessary.
Have lacked appropriate role models in life who accepted them for who they really were.
Be insecure in their personal identity, with a debilitating lack of self-confidence.
Have never been exposed to healthy ways of dealing with conflict or disagreement.
Lack the social skills to adapt to a reference group.
Have suffered from social isolation in their early lives.
Lack certain personal accomplishments, which they feel set them apart and which contribute to their lack of self-confidence.
Be unaware that they are operating out of a fear of rejection and may even deny it if it is pointed out to them.
Have a physical condition that they believe makes them unattractive to others.
Have been told all their life that they were ``second best'' or different.
Steps to overcome the fear of rejection
Step 1: Read through the material in this chapter and decide whether or not you operate out of a fear of rejection.
Step 2: Identify in your journal the person(s) from whom you fear rejection.
The people whose rejection I fear include:
Step 3:Identify in your journal how your fear of rejection is displayed in your behavior toward the people you identified in Step 2.
The behavior patterns reflecting my fear of rejection include:
Step 4: Identify in your journal healthy, productive, and rational alternative behavior patterns to those identified in Step 3.
Alternative behavior patterns to those coming from my fear of rejection include:
Step 5: Identify in your journal what the consequences would be of using the alternative behavior patterns listed in Step 4.
The consequences of using alternative behavior patterns would be:
Step 6: Identify in your journal what obstacles, other than your fear of rejection, exist in your adopting the alternative behavior listed in Step 4.
The obstacles that block my adopting the alternative behavior in Step 4 include:
Step 7: Analyze the obstacles listed in Step 6 and identify in your journal whether they are irrational beliefs or actual obstacles to change. If they are irrational beliefs use the Tools for Coping Series refutation of irrational beliefs, in Tools for Personal Growth. If the obstacles are not irrational beliefs use the five dimensional problem-solving model found in Productive Problem Solving, to find alternatives to rid yourself of these obstacles.
Step 8: Implement alternate behavior patterns not based on a fear of rejection.
Step 9: If you still have problems and are operating out of a fear of rejection, return to Step 1 and begin again. A professional or objective helper may be necessary to guide you.
The Guy's Rule.......ay ewan basta dedicated ito kay Pilar!!!
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules "
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us
to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation,
or NASCAR .
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules "
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us
to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation,
or NASCAR .
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
The Seed Must Lead
One of the main hindrances to living your best life now is selfishness. As
long as you are focused on what you want, what you need, you will never
experience God’s best. But if you really want to thrive, you must learn to
be a giver.
The Scripture says, “Whatsoever a man sows, that he will also reap.” All
through the Bible, we find the principle of sowing and reaping. Just as a
farmer must plant some seed if he hopes to reap the harvest, we, too, must
plant some good seed in the fields of our families, careers, businesses,
and personal relationships.
What if the farmer decided that he didn’t really feel like planting, that
he was tired, so he “felt led” to sit around and hope the harvest would
come in? He’d be waiting around his whole life! No, he must get the seed in
the ground. That’s the principle God established. In the same way, if we
want to reap good things, we, too, must sow some good seeds. Notice, we
reap what we sow if you want to reap happiness, you have to sow some
“happiness” seeds by making other people happy if you want to reap
financial blessings, you must sow financial seeds in the lives of others.
If you want to reap friendships, you should sow a seed and be a friend. The
seed always has to lead.
The reason many people are not growing is because they are not sowing. They
are living self-centered lives. Unless they change their focus and start
reaching out to others, they will probably remain in that condition.
Some people say, “Joel, I’ve got a lot of problems. I don’t care about
sowing seeds. I want to know how I can get out of my mess.” This is how you
can get out of your mess, if you want God to solve your problems, help
solve somebody else’s problem. Get some seed in the ground!
FAMINE IN THE LAND
In biblical times, a great famine struck the land of Canaan. People
didn’t have any food or water, and they were in desperate need. So Isaac
did something that people without insight may have thought rather odd:
“In the middle of that famine, Isaac sowed a seed in the land. And in
the same year he received one hundred times what he planted and the Lord
rewarded him greatly.” In his time of need, Isaac didn’t wait around,
expecting someone else to come to his rescue. No, he acted in faith. He
rose up in the midst of that famine and sowed a seed. God supernaturally
multiplied that seed, and it brought him out of his need.
Maybe you are in some sort of famine today. It could be a financial
famine; or maybe you’re simply famished for friends, it’s possible you
need a physical healing. Perhaps you need peace in your home. Whatever
the need, one of the best things you can do is to get your mind off
yourself and help meet somebody else’s need. If you’re down and
discouraged today, don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Go find
somebody to cheer up. Sow some seeds of happiness. That’s the way to
receive a harvest. The seed always has to lead.
When you meet other people’s needs, God has promised that He will make sure
your needs are supplied. If you want to see healing and restoration come to
your life, go out and help somebody else get well. The Bible says, “In
times of difficulty; trust in the Lord and do good.” It’s not enough to
say, “God, I trust You. I know You are going to meet all my needs.” That’s
tantamount to the farmer not planting any seeds and expecting a fabulous
harvest. Scripture says there are two things we must do in times of
trouble. First, we must trust in the Lord: and second, we must go out and
do something good. Go out and sow some seeds. If you need a financial
miracle, go buy somebody a cup of coffee tomorrow morning, or give a
little extra in the offering at church. If you don’t have any in money, do
some physical work for somebody; mow somebody’s lawn, pull some weeds, wash
their windows. Make someone a pie. Do something to get some seed in the
ground.
If you are lonely or lacking in friends, don’t sit at home month after
month, all alone, feeling sorry for yourself. Go to the nursing home and
find someone else who is lonely whom you can befriend. Go to the hospital
and find somebody you can cheer up. If you’ll start sowing those seeds of
friendship, God will bring somebody great into your life. When you make
other people happy, God will make sure that your life is filled with joy.
We need to be more seed-oriented than need-oriented. In your time of need,
don’t sit around thinking about what you lack. Think about what kind of
seed you can sow to get yourself out of that need.
Plant Some Seed
When I was a young boy; Lakewood Church launched its first building
program. We didn’t have much money, but there was a little Spanish church
down the street in a building program, too. One Sunday morning my dad got
up and announced to the congregation that we were going to take up a
special offering, not for our new building, but for that little Spanish
church. Several thousand dollars came in that morning, and we sent the
check straight down the road. Truth is, we needed the money more than they
did, but Daddy understood this principle. He knew he had to get some seed
in the ground. He knew one of the best things he could do in that time of
famine was to plant some seed. It wasn’t long before we had all the money
we needed to get to work on our building project. We built that building,
plus several others, and down through the years, we’ve lived by that
principle: In the time of need, sow a seed.
An intriguing Scripture verse says, “It is possible to give away and become
richer! It is also possible to hold on too tightly and lose everything.
Yes, the liberal man shall be rich! By watering others, he waters himself.”
Daddy understood that if he generously took care of others. God would take
care of his own needs. The same goes for you. If you will focus on giving
generously to others, God will make sure your own life is refreshed, even
if you must go through a dry, dreary wilderness.
A few years back, Dan lost his beautiful wife of many years. He was
heartbroken. But he decided instead of staying focused on his pain, hurt,
and loss, he wanted to help somebody else. He was retired from the phone
company, so he wasn’t sure how his skills could benefit anyone else. He
said, “All I really know how to do is comfort other people who have lost a
loved one.” His attitude was: I’ve been there. I know what you are going
through.
Dan started showing up at funerals where my dad was conducting the service.
He often had no personal connection with the grieving family; sometimes he
didn’t even know the person who had passed away, but he went to the
funerals simply to encourage other people, to show them love and
compassion. Over time, my dad noticed that Dan had a gift for comforting
mourners. One day Daddy invited Dan to be a part of the church staff, and
today, Daniel Kelley heads Lakewood’s “Comfort Ministry”
Daniel didn’t stay focused on his problems. He didn’t develop the selfish
attitude of: Who’s going to help me make my life better? He was proactive
and on the offensive. As he began to meet other people’s needs, God began
to turn his own situation around. Not only did God bring him through that
difficult period, but recently, God brought a beautiful woman into his
life. Now he and Shirley are happily married, and together they continue to
sow seeds of God’s goodness.
God will do something similar for you. If you’ll dare to sow a seed in your
time of need, God will do more than you can ask or think. I rely on this
principle in my own life. When I’m tempted to feel discouraged, I turn my
attention away from myself and go help somebody else. I like to go to the
hospitals and visit people when I’m starting to feel low. If I don’t have
time to do that, I keep a stack of prayer requests right next to my desk.
Recently, I had one of those days where everything that could go wrong,
did. I had some major disappointments. I came home drained and discouraged.
I sat down in my favorite chair and started watching TV, just thinking
about all my troubles. The more I thought, the worse I felt. Finally I
decided to sow a seed in my time of need. I went to my office and found one
of those prayer requests. I called a young man who had been in the hospital
for several months. I couldn’t recall meeting him before, but as I began
to encourage him, I could feel my joy coming back. I could feel my spirit
being lifted. By the time I hung up the phone, I was a new person. I felt
like I could leap over a wall.
Friend, in your times of difficulty, don’t sit around feeling sorry for
yourself. Go sow a seed. Moreover, you don’t need to wait until you have a
problem before you start sowing. We should constantly be on the lookout for
ways that we can be a blessing, not just when our backs are against the
wall. We should get up each day looking for ways to help others. If you
will do that, the Bible says God’s blessings will chase you down and
overtake you.
Granted, the temptation to be selfish is strong. Many good people get
sucked into the trap of living with the attitude: What’s in it for me? How
can you help me? How can you make my life better? How can you solve my
problems?
Our attitude should be just the opposite: Whom can I bless today? Where is
a need that I can meet? Whom can I encourage? Whom can I cheer up?
I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to be a giver in life. I’m going to do
something good. I am looking for opportunities to sow some seeds. Why? I’ve
simply learned that planting seeds works! And I want to make sure that I
keep my harvest coming in, in a big way
Do Something Out of the Ordinary
Somebody once wrote to me, “Joel, I sure like that tie you wore last week
on television.” So I just boxed it up and mailed it to him. I thought, That
is too good an opportunity to pass up. (Now, don’t write me and tell me you
like my suit, or the car I drive. That’s cheating. You know my secret!)
You may say, “Joel, I could never do something like that, giving something
to somebody simply because they paid me a compliment.”
Fine, but do what you can do. You can give somebody a ride. You can call
somebody and encourage them. You can go to the grocery store for an elderly
person. You can do something. Start today!
Learn to stretch your faith. Do something out of the ordinary. If you want
an extraordinary harvest, sow an extraordinary seed. Instead of sitting at
home watching TV every night, why not spend some of that time doing
something good for somebody else? Instead of going out to eat at an
expensive restaurant, why not save that money and sow it as a seed? If you
normally give 10 percent of your income, stretch your faith a bit and give
11 percent. Get a little more seed in the ground and watch what God will
do. The Scripture says, “For with the same measure that you use, it will be
measured back to you.” In other words, if you give with a teaspoon, it’s
going to he given back to you with a teaspoon. If you give with a shovel,
it’s going to be given back with a shovel. And if you give with a dump
truck, you’re going to get dump truck loads of blessings in your life!
The Bible clearly says, “He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly,
and he who sow bountifully will reap bountifully.” If you re not satisfied
with where you are in life, increase the amount of seed you are sowing. The
size of your harvest depends on the amount of your seed. Certainly, some
people live on limited incomes. It takes everything they have to make it
each month. In my heart, I want to tell them, “Just hold on to what you
have. You need that money” But I know that God’s principles are true. And I
know it is imperative that the people with the greatest need continue to
sow
Victoria and I were at a hotel eating breakfast one morning and a young man
was waiting on us. When he brought our check, I opened it and found a note
that said, “Thank you.” He had paid for our breakfast.
My first thought was, Oh, my! That’s so nice of him, but he is just a young
man. He’s probably not making more than minimum wage. He needs this money a
lot more than we do.
Beyond that, our breakfast was included with the price of our hotel room!
All we had to do was sign the check, and it would be free anyway.
What a dilemma! Victoria and I quietly discussed what we should do. She
said “Joel, don’t you think we should tell him, so maybe he could get his
money back?”
“Well, we could, but I don’t think we should,” I said. “Even though we
want to do that, we can’t rob him of his blessing. He’s planted a seed by
doing something good for us. We don’t want to pull his seed out of the
ground and give it back. That would be doing him a disservice.
Although we knew he needed that money, we also knew that when he planted
that seed in the ground. God was going to multiply it back to him. We knew
God would give him a greater harvest. So we accepted his generous gift and
whispered a prayer that God would bless him abundantly
Understand, sowing seed is not a replacement for tithing. In fact, it is
usually when you give over and above the first 10 percent of your income
that this principle kicks into high gear. The Bible says, “The tithe is the
Lord’s. And it is holy” That means the first tenth of your income doesn’t
belong to you. It belongs to God and should he given to your local church.
When you hold on to it, you’re really robbing from God. So if you are not
sowing at all, the tithe is a good place to start!
You may he thinking, Joel, I just can’t afford to tithe. No, the truth is,
you can’t afford to not tithe. First, it would be foolish to try to rob
God; and second, you need to get some seed in the ground. If you will dare
to take a step of faith and start honoring God in your finances, He’ll
start increasing your supply in supernatural ways. God will take that 90
percent you have left over, and He’ll cause it to go further than the 100
percent with which you started. The Scripture says that when we tithe, God
not only opens up the windows of heaven, but He will rebuke the devourer
for your sake. That means He’ll keep the enemy off your money, off your
crop, off your children, and away from your home. He’ll make sure you get
promoted. He’ll cause you to get the best deals in life. Sometimes, He’ll
keep you from sickness, accidents, and harm that might cause other
unnecessary expenses. All kinds of blessings come your way when you honor
God in the area of your finances.
On the other hand, you can’t rob God and expect Him to bless you at the
same time. You must realize, God doesn’t need your money or your time or
your talent. When God asks us to give, it’s riot because He’s trying to get
something from us. No, it’s because He’s trying to get us to put some seed
in the ground so we can reap a harvest. God abides by the laws He has
established, and if you don’t sow, you will not reap. It’s as simple as
that. But if you are faithful and do what God tells you to do, God will
honor the law of reaping and sowing. You may not have a lot to give, but
God will bless you if you start where you are.
Don’t wait until you have more; start now. That’s the way you will receive
more from God. You sow some seed, and then God will bless you with more.
Then you can sow a little more seed, and on and on. That’s how you
increase. But if you are not being faithful with what you have right now
how can God trust you with more?
The Scripture is not ambiguous about this matter. It says, “In everything
you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with
success.” If you want to prosper in your finances, put God first. If you
want to prosper in your business, put God first. When you honor God, God
will always honor you. And it’s interesting, the only place in the Bible
where God tells us to prove Him—which means to test Him, or check Him
out—is in the area of our finances. If you will be faithful and show God
that you’re trustworthy with what you have right now, there’s no limit to
what God will do in your life
long as you are focused on what you want, what you need, you will never
experience God’s best. But if you really want to thrive, you must learn to
be a giver.
The Scripture says, “Whatsoever a man sows, that he will also reap.” All
through the Bible, we find the principle of sowing and reaping. Just as a
farmer must plant some seed if he hopes to reap the harvest, we, too, must
plant some good seed in the fields of our families, careers, businesses,
and personal relationships.
What if the farmer decided that he didn’t really feel like planting, that
he was tired, so he “felt led” to sit around and hope the harvest would
come in? He’d be waiting around his whole life! No, he must get the seed in
the ground. That’s the principle God established. In the same way, if we
want to reap good things, we, too, must sow some good seeds. Notice, we
reap what we sow if you want to reap happiness, you have to sow some
“happiness” seeds by making other people happy if you want to reap
financial blessings, you must sow financial seeds in the lives of others.
If you want to reap friendships, you should sow a seed and be a friend. The
seed always has to lead.
The reason many people are not growing is because they are not sowing. They
are living self-centered lives. Unless they change their focus and start
reaching out to others, they will probably remain in that condition.
Some people say, “Joel, I’ve got a lot of problems. I don’t care about
sowing seeds. I want to know how I can get out of my mess.” This is how you
can get out of your mess, if you want God to solve your problems, help
solve somebody else’s problem. Get some seed in the ground!
FAMINE IN THE LAND
In biblical times, a great famine struck the land of Canaan. People
didn’t have any food or water, and they were in desperate need. So Isaac
did something that people without insight may have thought rather odd:
“In the middle of that famine, Isaac sowed a seed in the land. And in
the same year he received one hundred times what he planted and the Lord
rewarded him greatly.” In his time of need, Isaac didn’t wait around,
expecting someone else to come to his rescue. No, he acted in faith. He
rose up in the midst of that famine and sowed a seed. God supernaturally
multiplied that seed, and it brought him out of his need.
Maybe you are in some sort of famine today. It could be a financial
famine; or maybe you’re simply famished for friends, it’s possible you
need a physical healing. Perhaps you need peace in your home. Whatever
the need, one of the best things you can do is to get your mind off
yourself and help meet somebody else’s need. If you’re down and
discouraged today, don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Go find
somebody to cheer up. Sow some seeds of happiness. That’s the way to
receive a harvest. The seed always has to lead.
When you meet other people’s needs, God has promised that He will make sure
your needs are supplied. If you want to see healing and restoration come to
your life, go out and help somebody else get well. The Bible says, “In
times of difficulty; trust in the Lord and do good.” It’s not enough to
say, “God, I trust You. I know You are going to meet all my needs.” That’s
tantamount to the farmer not planting any seeds and expecting a fabulous
harvest. Scripture says there are two things we must do in times of
trouble. First, we must trust in the Lord: and second, we must go out and
do something good. Go out and sow some seeds. If you need a financial
miracle, go buy somebody a cup of coffee tomorrow morning, or give a
little extra in the offering at church. If you don’t have any in money, do
some physical work for somebody; mow somebody’s lawn, pull some weeds, wash
their windows. Make someone a pie. Do something to get some seed in the
ground.
If you are lonely or lacking in friends, don’t sit at home month after
month, all alone, feeling sorry for yourself. Go to the nursing home and
find someone else who is lonely whom you can befriend. Go to the hospital
and find somebody you can cheer up. If you’ll start sowing those seeds of
friendship, God will bring somebody great into your life. When you make
other people happy, God will make sure that your life is filled with joy.
We need to be more seed-oriented than need-oriented. In your time of need,
don’t sit around thinking about what you lack. Think about what kind of
seed you can sow to get yourself out of that need.
Plant Some Seed
When I was a young boy; Lakewood Church launched its first building
program. We didn’t have much money, but there was a little Spanish church
down the street in a building program, too. One Sunday morning my dad got
up and announced to the congregation that we were going to take up a
special offering, not for our new building, but for that little Spanish
church. Several thousand dollars came in that morning, and we sent the
check straight down the road. Truth is, we needed the money more than they
did, but Daddy understood this principle. He knew he had to get some seed
in the ground. He knew one of the best things he could do in that time of
famine was to plant some seed. It wasn’t long before we had all the money
we needed to get to work on our building project. We built that building,
plus several others, and down through the years, we’ve lived by that
principle: In the time of need, sow a seed.
An intriguing Scripture verse says, “It is possible to give away and become
richer! It is also possible to hold on too tightly and lose everything.
Yes, the liberal man shall be rich! By watering others, he waters himself.”
Daddy understood that if he generously took care of others. God would take
care of his own needs. The same goes for you. If you will focus on giving
generously to others, God will make sure your own life is refreshed, even
if you must go through a dry, dreary wilderness.
A few years back, Dan lost his beautiful wife of many years. He was
heartbroken. But he decided instead of staying focused on his pain, hurt,
and loss, he wanted to help somebody else. He was retired from the phone
company, so he wasn’t sure how his skills could benefit anyone else. He
said, “All I really know how to do is comfort other people who have lost a
loved one.” His attitude was: I’ve been there. I know what you are going
through.
Dan started showing up at funerals where my dad was conducting the service.
He often had no personal connection with the grieving family; sometimes he
didn’t even know the person who had passed away, but he went to the
funerals simply to encourage other people, to show them love and
compassion. Over time, my dad noticed that Dan had a gift for comforting
mourners. One day Daddy invited Dan to be a part of the church staff, and
today, Daniel Kelley heads Lakewood’s “Comfort Ministry”
Daniel didn’t stay focused on his problems. He didn’t develop the selfish
attitude of: Who’s going to help me make my life better? He was proactive
and on the offensive. As he began to meet other people’s needs, God began
to turn his own situation around. Not only did God bring him through that
difficult period, but recently, God brought a beautiful woman into his
life. Now he and Shirley are happily married, and together they continue to
sow seeds of God’s goodness.
God will do something similar for you. If you’ll dare to sow a seed in your
time of need, God will do more than you can ask or think. I rely on this
principle in my own life. When I’m tempted to feel discouraged, I turn my
attention away from myself and go help somebody else. I like to go to the
hospitals and visit people when I’m starting to feel low. If I don’t have
time to do that, I keep a stack of prayer requests right next to my desk.
Recently, I had one of those days where everything that could go wrong,
did. I had some major disappointments. I came home drained and discouraged.
I sat down in my favorite chair and started watching TV, just thinking
about all my troubles. The more I thought, the worse I felt. Finally I
decided to sow a seed in my time of need. I went to my office and found one
of those prayer requests. I called a young man who had been in the hospital
for several months. I couldn’t recall meeting him before, but as I began
to encourage him, I could feel my joy coming back. I could feel my spirit
being lifted. By the time I hung up the phone, I was a new person. I felt
like I could leap over a wall.
Friend, in your times of difficulty, don’t sit around feeling sorry for
yourself. Go sow a seed. Moreover, you don’t need to wait until you have a
problem before you start sowing. We should constantly be on the lookout for
ways that we can be a blessing, not just when our backs are against the
wall. We should get up each day looking for ways to help others. If you
will do that, the Bible says God’s blessings will chase you down and
overtake you.
Granted, the temptation to be selfish is strong. Many good people get
sucked into the trap of living with the attitude: What’s in it for me? How
can you help me? How can you make my life better? How can you solve my
problems?
Our attitude should be just the opposite: Whom can I bless today? Where is
a need that I can meet? Whom can I encourage? Whom can I cheer up?
I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to be a giver in life. I’m going to do
something good. I am looking for opportunities to sow some seeds. Why? I’ve
simply learned that planting seeds works! And I want to make sure that I
keep my harvest coming in, in a big way
Do Something Out of the Ordinary
Somebody once wrote to me, “Joel, I sure like that tie you wore last week
on television.” So I just boxed it up and mailed it to him. I thought, That
is too good an opportunity to pass up. (Now, don’t write me and tell me you
like my suit, or the car I drive. That’s cheating. You know my secret!)
You may say, “Joel, I could never do something like that, giving something
to somebody simply because they paid me a compliment.”
Fine, but do what you can do. You can give somebody a ride. You can call
somebody and encourage them. You can go to the grocery store for an elderly
person. You can do something. Start today!
Learn to stretch your faith. Do something out of the ordinary. If you want
an extraordinary harvest, sow an extraordinary seed. Instead of sitting at
home watching TV every night, why not spend some of that time doing
something good for somebody else? Instead of going out to eat at an
expensive restaurant, why not save that money and sow it as a seed? If you
normally give 10 percent of your income, stretch your faith a bit and give
11 percent. Get a little more seed in the ground and watch what God will
do. The Scripture says, “For with the same measure that you use, it will be
measured back to you.” In other words, if you give with a teaspoon, it’s
going to he given back to you with a teaspoon. If you give with a shovel,
it’s going to be given back with a shovel. And if you give with a dump
truck, you’re going to get dump truck loads of blessings in your life!
The Bible clearly says, “He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly,
and he who sow bountifully will reap bountifully.” If you re not satisfied
with where you are in life, increase the amount of seed you are sowing. The
size of your harvest depends on the amount of your seed. Certainly, some
people live on limited incomes. It takes everything they have to make it
each month. In my heart, I want to tell them, “Just hold on to what you
have. You need that money” But I know that God’s principles are true. And I
know it is imperative that the people with the greatest need continue to
sow
Victoria and I were at a hotel eating breakfast one morning and a young man
was waiting on us. When he brought our check, I opened it and found a note
that said, “Thank you.” He had paid for our breakfast.
My first thought was, Oh, my! That’s so nice of him, but he is just a young
man. He’s probably not making more than minimum wage. He needs this money a
lot more than we do.
Beyond that, our breakfast was included with the price of our hotel room!
All we had to do was sign the check, and it would be free anyway.
What a dilemma! Victoria and I quietly discussed what we should do. She
said “Joel, don’t you think we should tell him, so maybe he could get his
money back?”
“Well, we could, but I don’t think we should,” I said. “Even though we
want to do that, we can’t rob him of his blessing. He’s planted a seed by
doing something good for us. We don’t want to pull his seed out of the
ground and give it back. That would be doing him a disservice.
Although we knew he needed that money, we also knew that when he planted
that seed in the ground. God was going to multiply it back to him. We knew
God would give him a greater harvest. So we accepted his generous gift and
whispered a prayer that God would bless him abundantly
Understand, sowing seed is not a replacement for tithing. In fact, it is
usually when you give over and above the first 10 percent of your income
that this principle kicks into high gear. The Bible says, “The tithe is the
Lord’s. And it is holy” That means the first tenth of your income doesn’t
belong to you. It belongs to God and should he given to your local church.
When you hold on to it, you’re really robbing from God. So if you are not
sowing at all, the tithe is a good place to start!
You may he thinking, Joel, I just can’t afford to tithe. No, the truth is,
you can’t afford to not tithe. First, it would be foolish to try to rob
God; and second, you need to get some seed in the ground. If you will dare
to take a step of faith and start honoring God in your finances, He’ll
start increasing your supply in supernatural ways. God will take that 90
percent you have left over, and He’ll cause it to go further than the 100
percent with which you started. The Scripture says that when we tithe, God
not only opens up the windows of heaven, but He will rebuke the devourer
for your sake. That means He’ll keep the enemy off your money, off your
crop, off your children, and away from your home. He’ll make sure you get
promoted. He’ll cause you to get the best deals in life. Sometimes, He’ll
keep you from sickness, accidents, and harm that might cause other
unnecessary expenses. All kinds of blessings come your way when you honor
God in the area of your finances.
On the other hand, you can’t rob God and expect Him to bless you at the
same time. You must realize, God doesn’t need your money or your time or
your talent. When God asks us to give, it’s riot because He’s trying to get
something from us. No, it’s because He’s trying to get us to put some seed
in the ground so we can reap a harvest. God abides by the laws He has
established, and if you don’t sow, you will not reap. It’s as simple as
that. But if you are faithful and do what God tells you to do, God will
honor the law of reaping and sowing. You may not have a lot to give, but
God will bless you if you start where you are.
Don’t wait until you have more; start now. That’s the way you will receive
more from God. You sow some seed, and then God will bless you with more.
Then you can sow a little more seed, and on and on. That’s how you
increase. But if you are not being faithful with what you have right now
how can God trust you with more?
The Scripture is not ambiguous about this matter. It says, “In everything
you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with
success.” If you want to prosper in your finances, put God first. If you
want to prosper in your business, put God first. When you honor God, God
will always honor you. And it’s interesting, the only place in the Bible
where God tells us to prove Him—which means to test Him, or check Him
out—is in the area of our finances. If you will be faithful and show God
that you’re trustworthy with what you have right now, there’s no limit to
what God will do in your life
The House of 1000 Mirrors
Our life is actually a reflection of our thoughts and actions.
Long ago in a small, far away village, there was place known as the House
of 1000 Mirrors.
A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When
he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house.
He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail
wagging as fast as it could.
To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little
dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his.
He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as
warm and friendly.
As he left the House, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I
will come back and visit it often."
In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the
first one, decided to visit the house.
He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the
door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he
growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at
him.
As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will
never go back there again."
ALL THE FACES IN THE WORLD ARE MIRRORS.
JUST OBSERVE WHAT KIND OF REFLECTIONS DO YOU SEE IN THE FACES OF THE PEOPLE
YOU MEET?
Long ago in a small, far away village, there was place known as the House
of 1000 Mirrors.
A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When
he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house.
He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail
wagging as fast as it could.
To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little
dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his.
He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as
warm and friendly.
As he left the House, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I
will come back and visit it often."
In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the
first one, decided to visit the house.
He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the
door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he
growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at
him.
As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will
never go back there again."
ALL THE FACES IN THE WORLD ARE MIRRORS.
JUST OBSERVE WHAT KIND OF REFLECTIONS DO YOU SEE IN THE FACES OF THE PEOPLE
YOU MEET?
Ten Guidelines From God
1. QUIT WORRYING:
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit
and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here
to take all your burdens and carry them for you?
Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little
thing that comes your way?
2. PUT IT ON THE LIST:
Something needs done or taken care of. Put it
on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY
to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care
of the problem. I can't help you until you turn
it over to Me. And although My to-do-list
is long, I am after all...
God. I can take care
of anything you put into My hands. In fact,
if the truth were ever really known, I take
care of a lot of things for you that you never
even realize.
3. TRUST ME:
Once you've given your burdens to Me,
quit trying to take them back. Trust in
Me. Have the faith that I will take care of
all your needs, your problems and your trials.
Problems with the kids? Put them on My list.
Problem with finances? Put it on My list.
Problems with your emotional roller coaster?
For My sake, put it on My list. I want to
help you. All you have to do is ask.
4. LEAVE IT ALONE:
Don't wake up one morning and say,
"Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think
I can handle it from here." Why do you think
you are feeling stronger now? It's
simple.
You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking
care of them. I also renew your strength
and cover you in my peace. Don't you
know that if I give you these problems back,
you will be right back where you started?
Leave them with Me and forget about
them. Just let Me do my job.
5. TALK TO ME:
I want you to forget a lot of things.
Forget what was making you crazy.
Forget the worry and the fretting because
you know I'm in control. But there's one
thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't
forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU!
I want to hear your voice. I want you to
include Me in on the things going on in your life.
I want to hear you talk about your friends
and family. Prayer is simply you having
a conversation with Me. I want to be
your
dearest friend.
6. HAVE FAITH:
I see a lot of things from up here that you
can't see from where you are. Have faith in
Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me;
you wouldn't want the view from My eyes.
I will continue to care for you, watch over you,
and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me.
Although I have a much bigger task than you,
it seems as if you have so much trouble just
doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?
7. SHARE:
You were taught to share when you were
only two years old. When did you forget?
That rule still applies. Share with those who are
less fortunate than you. Share your joy with
those who need encouragement. Share your
laughter with those who haven't heard any in
such a long time.
Share your tears with those
who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith
with those who have none.
8. BE PATIENT:
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime
you could have so many diverse experiences.
You grow from a child to an adult, have children,
change jobs many times, learn many trades,
travel to so many places, meet thousands
of people, and experience so much. How can
you be so impatient then when it takes Me
a little longer than you expect to handle
something on My to-do-list? Trust in My
timing, for My timing is perfect. Just
because I created the entire universe in
only six days, everyone thinks I should
always rush, rush, rush.
9. BE KIND:
Be kind to others, for I love them just
as much as I love you. They
may not dress
like you, or talk like you, or live the same way
you do, but I still love you all. Please try
to get along, for My sake. I created each
of you different in some way. It would be
too boring if you were all identical.
Please, know I love each of your differences.!
10. LOVE YOURSELF:
As much as I love you, how can you not
love yourself? You were created by me for
one reason only -- to be loved, and to love
in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me.
Love your neighbors. But also love yourself.
It makes My heart ache when I see you
so angry with yourself when things go
wrong. You are very precious to me.
Don't ever forget......
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit
and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here
to take all your burdens and carry them for you?
Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little
thing that comes your way?
2. PUT IT ON THE LIST:
Something needs done or taken care of. Put it
on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY
to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care
of the problem. I can't help you until you turn
it over to Me. And although My to-do-list
is long, I am after all...
God. I can take care
of anything you put into My hands. In fact,
if the truth were ever really known, I take
care of a lot of things for you that you never
even realize.
3. TRUST ME:
Once you've given your burdens to Me,
quit trying to take them back. Trust in
Me. Have the faith that I will take care of
all your needs, your problems and your trials.
Problems with the kids? Put them on My list.
Problem with finances? Put it on My list.
Problems with your emotional roller coaster?
For My sake, put it on My list. I want to
help you. All you have to do is ask.
4. LEAVE IT ALONE:
Don't wake up one morning and say,
"Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think
I can handle it from here." Why do you think
you are feeling stronger now? It's
simple.
You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking
care of them. I also renew your strength
and cover you in my peace. Don't you
know that if I give you these problems back,
you will be right back where you started?
Leave them with Me and forget about
them. Just let Me do my job.
5. TALK TO ME:
I want you to forget a lot of things.
Forget what was making you crazy.
Forget the worry and the fretting because
you know I'm in control. But there's one
thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't
forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU!
I want to hear your voice. I want you to
include Me in on the things going on in your life.
I want to hear you talk about your friends
and family. Prayer is simply you having
a conversation with Me. I want to be
your
dearest friend.
6. HAVE FAITH:
I see a lot of things from up here that you
can't see from where you are. Have faith in
Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me;
you wouldn't want the view from My eyes.
I will continue to care for you, watch over you,
and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me.
Although I have a much bigger task than you,
it seems as if you have so much trouble just
doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?
7. SHARE:
You were taught to share when you were
only two years old. When did you forget?
That rule still applies. Share with those who are
less fortunate than you. Share your joy with
those who need encouragement. Share your
laughter with those who haven't heard any in
such a long time.
Share your tears with those
who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith
with those who have none.
8. BE PATIENT:
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime
you could have so many diverse experiences.
You grow from a child to an adult, have children,
change jobs many times, learn many trades,
travel to so many places, meet thousands
of people, and experience so much. How can
you be so impatient then when it takes Me
a little longer than you expect to handle
something on My to-do-list? Trust in My
timing, for My timing is perfect. Just
because I created the entire universe in
only six days, everyone thinks I should
always rush, rush, rush.
9. BE KIND:
Be kind to others, for I love them just
as much as I love you. They
may not dress
like you, or talk like you, or live the same way
you do, but I still love you all. Please try
to get along, for My sake. I created each
of you different in some way. It would be
too boring if you were all identical.
Please, know I love each of your differences.!
10. LOVE YOURSELF:
As much as I love you, how can you not
love yourself? You were created by me for
one reason only -- to be loved, and to love
in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me.
Love your neighbors. But also love yourself.
It makes My heart ache when I see you
so angry with yourself when things go
wrong. You are very precious to me.
Don't ever forget......
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